


Only My Mother Calls Me Doctor

by NewtDewt



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Getting Together, Hermann is a Soft Man, His mom sucks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Newt is trans, Trans Male Character, and Newt feels a Big Dysphoria, dysphoria mention, slight self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 06:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18654550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewtDewt/pseuds/NewtDewt
Summary: Newt didn’t smoke often. He tried not to, at least. He’d go a few days without smoking and pretend it wasn’t a full fledged addiction, then chain smoke outside the shatterdome when no one was looking. It was just his unfortunate way of dealing with stress, even if the act of sneaking around and hiding it from Hermann made him significantly more stressed. He didn’t like feeling like a thirteen year old hiding from his mom, but at the same time he couldn’t handle the thought of Hermann— unfairly tall fucking Hermann— towering over him with his signature disapproving scowl as he listed off all the ways that smoking made Newton a disgusting little goblin who deserved nothing but doom and destruction.Newton is left a wreck after a call with his mother. Hermann helps him feel okay again.





	Only My Mother Calls Me Doctor

Newt didn’t smoke often. He tried not to, at least. He’d go a few days without smoking and pretend it wasn’t a full fledged addiction, then chain smoke outside the shatterdome when no one was looking. It was just his unfortunate way of dealing with stress, even if the act of sneaking around and hiding it from Hermann made him significantly more stressed. He didn’t like feeling like a thirteen year old hiding from his mom, but at the same time he couldn’t handle the thought of Hermann— unfairly tall fucking Hermann— towering over him with his signature disapproving scowl as he listed off all the ways that smoking made Newton a disgusting little goblin who deserved nothing but doom and destruction.  
Okay, maybe Newt was projecting a little with the last part, but he was having a bad brain day so it was fine. It wasn’t really fine. There had been an event recently with a kaiju near Hong Kong and his mother had called because of it— which should have been heartwarming. They should have had a heartwarming Hallmark moment where she apologized for abandoning him as a child and hopped on the next flight to visit her sweet baby boy. Instead she started the phone call with his deadname and ended it with Dr. Geiszler. And that was fine. It was just fucking fine. Newt didn’t even care what his mom thought about him at this point— his dad and uncle were perfect and supportive. He didn’t need his mom to support him.   
And yet here he was sitting under a shitty little covering and getting wet as he burned his way through a fourth cigarette. He felt nauseous and his ribs ached, but he couldn’t bring himself to go inside and eat something, shower, and take his binder off. All he could focus on was the smoke and the rain. He was musing on just how bad it would be if he continued to wear his binder into hour 14 when he heard the door behind him clunk open heavily. He turned as he lit his fifth cigarette and winced as he saw Hermann’s high cheekbones and disappointed scowl emerge from behind the door.  
“There you are Dr. Geiszler—are you smoking?” He asked. Newt wanted to curl into his ribs and pretend that he didn’t ache hearing himself referred to as Dr. Geiszler. As Hermann’s nose scrunched in disgust he felt the need to put his cigarette out on himself. Everything was crashing down around him and all he could do was inhale smoke and look at the face of the man he was once in love with. Hell, the man he was still in love with.  
Something caused the features of Hermann’s face to soften into something that almost resembled concern. His scowl was gone and his mouth opened slightly. He made his way awkwardly out the door, reaching a gentle hand out and placing it on Newt’s shoulder. Newt flinched. He didn’t mean to flinch. Hermann moved to pull away, but Newt stopped him. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and placed his hands over Hermann’s, keeping him from pulling him away.  
“What’s wrong, Newton?” He asked, voice soft. It was only then that Newt realized that he had started crying when Hermann had called him Dr. Geiszler. Shit. Oh fuck. Shit. This was not how Newton wanted to spend his night. He tried to open his mouth and tell Hermann everything was fine, claim that he wasn’t actually crying, just do something to make this horrible moment end. All that came out was a choked noise as his crying got worse.  
Before he could really process what was going on, Hermann was leading Newton by his hand back to his bedroom wordlessly. He knew that Hermann had a spare key to his room— it was just easier for him to drop of reports that needed to be done or other miscellaneous things— but it was almost surreal for Newt to see Hermann open his door while holding his hand and leading him in gently. It made Newt’s heart ache even more.  
“Goodness, Newton, you’re soaking wet” Hermann said softly as he sat Newt down on the bed. He disappeared into Newt’s bathroom and came back out with a towel shortly after. He set the towel down and placed a hand on Newt’s shoulder with a tilt of his head.  
“Do you want me to leave so you can-“  
“No! No…I don’t…I can just…it’s fine.” Newt winced at how high his voice felt in his throat. He tried his best to ignore it. He tried his best to ignore the revolting feeling overtaking him as he unbuttoned his soaked shirt. He tried his best to stop crying. His best just wasn’t working. He was shaking with the overbearing weight of dysphoria as he shucked off his shirt and binder and wrapped himself tightly in the towel that scratched too roughly against his skin. He couldn’t shake the feeling of being a pathetic little girl throwing a tantrum in front of his crush over nothing.   
Newt flinched at the feeling of the bed dipping down beside him. He was almost shocked out of his tears when Hermann’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and his weight leaned on him. The affection started to warm him until eventually, after what felt like hundreds of years, Newt stopped crying.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Hermann asked, voice barely above a whisper.  
“It’s..god, it’s nothing really. My mom called and she used my deadname and when I called her on her shit she called me nothing but Dr. Geiszler for the rest of the call like I’m not even her fucking kid. I just…hearing you of all people call me that too just made me lose it— which is stupid. I’m just being a big baby and I’ll be fine after some sleep.” Newton curled in on himself as he ranted, expecting the weight of Hermann leaning on him to disappear when he revealed why he was crying. It didn’t.  
“She’s a bitch, Newt.” Hermann said. His words were so simple, and yet it made a warmth erupt from his chest and spread through his body. Newt looked up at Hermann with a crooked grin, leaning in a bit closer to him. The use of his nickname made everything feel a little bit more okay. Hermann looked softer in this context. Beautiful. Newt felt something stupid stir deep inside his stomach, but he was too emotionally compromised to shove it down like he normally did.  
“And what do you mean me of all people?” Hermann asked, the slight sharp edge returning to his voice. Newt couldn’t stop the mushy feelings bursting out of his mouth.  
“I mean that it hurt more coming from someone I love.” The words rushed out before Newt could make sure they were right. He felt Hermann stiffen slightly and tears stung at his eyes again, but before they could fall he was pulled into a soft kiss from Hermann.  
When Hermann pulled away Newt was in a daze. He couldn’t form any words. All he could do was look up at a blushing Hermann with a look of absolute confusions. Of every response he had expected from Hermann— this wasn’t one of them. Disgust, anger, pity. Those he knew how to deal with. But this softness? This tenderness? The way Hermann’s blushed trailed down his neck and below his shirt collar? Newt had absolutely no idea how to deal with this.  
“I love you too, Newton.” Hermann broke the silence, squeezing Newt’s shoulders lightly. And with that Newt was crying again, curled into Hermann’s chest. Hermann simply moved them so they were both lying down in each other’s arms, noses pressed lightly together as Hermann steadily wiped Newt’s tears away.  
“Sleep now. We can talk more in the morning, okay?”  
“Okay. I love you, Hermann.”  
“I love you too, Newton.”

**Author's Note:**

> Whats UP my dysphoria has been kicking my ass lately so I wrote about Newton feeling some to cope. Uhhhhh feel free to follow me on tumblr @NewtDewt and thanks for reading this incoherent shit


End file.
